I'm with India
Kiwi cricket fans should not have any doubt about what attitude to take to the current stoush between the Indian and Aussie sides. After all, we've suffered our share of injustices at the hands of ocker players, umpires, and crowds over the years.
New Zealand was admitted to the select club of test-playing nations in 1930; in
1946, Australia finally deigned to play us, and had the better of a seriously underdone pitch. For the next twenty-eight years they'd put their B teams up against us, even after we started to win the odd victory against the more sporting test-playing nations.
Everybody knows about the 1981 underarm 'incident', as Aussie cricket historians rather delicately call it. Thanks to the wonders of youtube, this moment of infamy can be preserved and communicated to new generations of Kiwi cricket fans, fostering the spirit of resentment that sustains us through loss after loss to Australia:
The underarm affair was responsible for Robert Muldoon's single progressive political act: after a few gin and tonics in the Beehive he sent the Aussie Prime Minister a telegram that read 'IT IS APPROPRIATE YOUR PLAYERS DRESS IN YELLOW!' Couldn't have put it better myself, especially considering I was six at the time.
Less well-known, but almost as embittering, are the three test matches that New Zealand has failed to win because of bent umpiring decisions in favour of the Aussies. In 1981, when the Kiwis were close to bowling Australia out and sealing their first test victory in Oz, Lance Cairns had a tailender caught out off a short delivery, only to be told by the umpire that the wicket didn't count, because it was the product of 'dangerous bowling'. Anyone who ever saw 'Monsoon bog' Cairns roll his arm over will know what an absurdity that judgment was. A decade later at the Adelaide Oval, when the Kiwis needed one wicket to clinch a victory, Danny Morrison had Peter Sleep on the back foot plum in front of his stumps. You can guess what the umpire said. A similar scenario unfolded the last time New Zealand had a chance of winning a test in Australia, at Perth back in the early noughties.
The whole cricketing world has been willing India to take it to the hated Aussies this summer. After fluffing the first test in Melbourne, they played magnificently to put Australia on the ropes at the Sydney Cricket Ground. Ricky Ponting's team were only able to prevail by lying about catches and intimidating umpire Steve Bucknor into committing a career-ending series of blunders. To add insult to injury the Aussies, who have perfected the art of verbal abuse in the middle, managed to get an Indian player suspended for three games based on unsubstaniated allegations that he made a racist remark (notorious racists, them Indians). The Aussies would never stoop to such depths, of course - they'll just threaten to rip your throat out. I'm with India, then. Until we play them next time, of course...
Just to stave off accusations of national chauvinism, and to prove that not all Aussies are made of the same stuff as Ricky Ponting, here's a clip of the great Paul Kelly driving a Melbourne cab and crooning his '80s classic 'Before Too Long':